Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
