Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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