i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
