If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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