Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
