I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
