I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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