capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I looked at my own cervix.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
