i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
