At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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