Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want her autograph on my taint
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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