My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
