I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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