I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize