I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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