3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
