You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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