her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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