isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
