he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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