I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize