jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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