So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
this will be a night to untag.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
