the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
