no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
