JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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