We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
