He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
