so explain again why im purple
no
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
