One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Your dad touched me again.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
