You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
