i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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