Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize