My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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