Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
