I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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