I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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