Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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