I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
