He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
