My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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