i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
