dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
