if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
