i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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