Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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