you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
