There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
