We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
