im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
