I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she smelled like a LAN party
did i walk over a car last night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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