Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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