dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
