the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
