She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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