If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
How's work?
Spinning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
