She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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