Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
