Got a toothbrush?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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