She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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