she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
