the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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