how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
