The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
