We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
