i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm just crazy horny about you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
