I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
