okay pat passed out under dana's car
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
