The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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