Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
