worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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