I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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